?Discovering my Faith? A Story of Infertility and Adoption by Dawn Sprinkle Mustin

(A note from Sarah Martin Byrd: I want to welcome Dawn Sprinkle Mustin, Elkin North Carolina native, as my guest blogger this week. She is writing a book about the trials of infertility and the joy of adoption. I hope you will read her touching words and email her, or post on here a note of encouragement.)

I have always thought it was a good thing to be able to admit your limitations or be able to point out your own faults. My favorite declaration by a friend has always been, ? I?m a bitch and I know it?. She will never know how great an impact she had on me just admitting that little fact about herself. My friend knew who she was early on in life; it took me many more years to figure myself out.

The most important piece of that is the admission, especially to your self. So here is one for me…. I am a ?crier?.? I am a big blubbering, snubbing baby. I cry at the drop of a hat.? It?s hard for me to communicate almost anything in public without crying. A public speaker, I am not. I have read the book, I?d Rather Die Than Give a Speech, and tried numerous other tricks, but none of them ever really got me past the tissue. Truly embarrassing is trying to talk to someone one on one, just briefly, and you start to well up. Frustrating, and it completely infuriates me with myself. If someone else cries, I cry.? Inspirational stories just kill my composure, and I?m left shifting in my seat wondering if the person beside me has noticed the tear running down my cheek and when can I strategically wipe it so they won?t see me do it?

Romans 1:15 and 16 tells us:? ?So I am eager to preach the good news to you… For I am not shamed of the gospel, because it is God?s power for salvation to everyone who believes…? I am not ashamed of the gospel but I am embarrassed of my tears, thus an idea was born. I have had several people tell me that I should write a book about our story and I have wanted desperately to help others through my experience. But I am not a writer and I am also an introvert, which adds more fuel to the pitiful fire. So here I sit fumbling through something that I feel is very important and afraid that I will leave something out that might help someone. Now I?ll wipe the tears and say a little prayer that God will speak through me, to glorify His name…


Our Story….

The side of my bed gets used quite frequently. I put my shoes and socks on there while getting dressed; my pocketbook lands there often; and now I change my child?s diaper on the side of the bed. It also was once a place I sat as I pondered and prayed to God in the midst of infertility and the decision to adopt. I remember crying and praying that I did not understand how God could make a decision that I would not bare children. I remember crying when I prayed for an answer. God sent me a very clear message that I will never forget, and being given something to hang on to, through the help of two close friends.

I have always joked that infertility is literally having someone up your butt all the time, and adoption is figuratively having someone up your butt all the time. And anyone who has endured both knows this is true. Keenan and I tried to get pregnant for at least two and a half years. It is an emotional rollercoaster that cycles on a monthly basis. It?s like getting your hopes up, ?then someone dies.? You grieve for a week or two, and then you get your hopes up again. We went through infertility drugs, artificial insemination three times, and then opted for one trial of IVF, because we could only afford one try.

Long story short, my eggs would not fertilize, even with the extended efforts by the team. One night I prayed and prayed and did a lot of crying, asking God to tell me what to do.? The pain was overwhelming. Within 2 minutes there was an adoption commercial on TV.? I had never seen an adoption commercial and rarely do today. But I wasn?t ready.? I will never forget that moment and can picture the whole scene in my mind. We grieved the loss of the child we would never get to meet and it seemed unbearable. It destroys your intimacy and leaves you empty.

I never really understood the phrase that, ?children give you immortality,? until I tried to write my last will and testament without the hope of having children. It follows you everywhere. To the grocery store, out with friends, work, and for us, to church. The Bible verse, ?be fruitful and multiply,? always sent me on a really harsh mental rant to God and myself. I now fully understand that verse and it has nothing to do with getting pregnant or having children. We have just been lead to believe that through American day-to-day conversation.

We truly struggled, and could not grasp why two good people could not have what seemed to come so easy to other people, a family. Fourteen-year-old crack heads could do it with no questions asked. It didn?t make sense. We grieved for a solid year, then turned to adoption the following year and really believed we would have a family within 18 months. Or so we thought.

People have mixed reactions to adoption and we learned that quickly. Lots of nosy questions, odd statements and then some people just feel adoption is second rate. Very few people really seemed excited when we told them we wanted to adopt. But we felt this was God?s plan for us and we knew it.

Adoption is not simple. Remember the ?figuratively up your butt? statement. After much research, we decided to adopt from Russia and chose an adoption agency. It was a massive undertaking. We applied for passports, gave our complete financial picture, got letters of reference, took psychological evaluations, and filled out at least forty forms. All had to be notarized and then apostilled. We finished the process in April and learned two weeks later that Russia closed its doors to adoption. We were devastated.

It took us almost three years to adopt our son Gavin, but he is truly a gift from God.? He now has a forever family that loves him more than words or actions could tell. This journey taught us about faith and hope for a wonderful future, and that ?all things work together for the good of those who love God…?


Dawn Sprinkle Mustin

Glade Valley, NC

mustindawn@yahoo.com


{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Donna & Lisa Sprinkle December 2, 2010 at 5:29 pm

WOW WOW!!! THAT IS TOTALLY AWESOME. YES, YOU DO NEED TO BE A WRITER. I WASN’T READY TO STOP READING THIS. YOU WILL HAVE TO SHARE SOME MORE WITH US LATER ON. DAWN, YOU ARE AMAZING. GOD HAS BLESSED YOU AND OUR FAMILY SO MUCH. WHAT WOULD WE DO WITHOUT HIM? I AM SO GLAD YOU MADE THIS DECISION. THERE IS NO ONE ELSE THAT I KNOW THAT WOULD DO A BETTER JOB.
GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!!!!

LOVE TO YOU ALL,
DONNA AND LISA SPRINKLE

Tonya Smith December 2, 2010 at 8:01 pm

Dawn,
As you may or may not know, Mike and I went through 5 and1/2 years of infertility. We, like you and Keenan tried tons of treatments. And like you, every month was like a death. Unless one has experienced infertility, one can never begin to comprehend the searing pain and agony, not to mention the feelings of worthlessness and failure that accompany the condition. I remember all of the intended helpful comments such as: Mabey it’s not God’s will that you and Mike have children.” or “You’re just trying too hard.” We did begin the adoption process and while in the midst of the process, after one last attempt (our 4th) at IUI, we did finally conceive. Of course, the adoption process quickly ended because of the additional cost along with a progressing pregnancy. We had a few close calls for private adoption after Noah was born, but each time the mother chose to keep the baby. And I truthfully can say, I understand. However, I still am a strong advocate of both local and international adoption and truly believe that through perserverance, a couple can find peace on the other side of the infertility war. Please continue to write your book to shed further light on this growing and pervasive problem. Whether the infertility is caused by something explained such as in your case, or something unexplained as was ours, I feel it is the duty of those of us who have survived inferility and come out on the other side to be lights of hope and support to those who feel there is no hope. Thank you for reading my ramblings and God bless your endeavor.

Tonya Smith

Kaye Joyce December 3, 2010 at 9:15 am

I am Shirleys cousin and she sent me the link to your blog and I am so glad she did. It was so good and I was blessed to get to read it. Thanks and looking forward to more!

Debbie Brady January 17, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Dear Dawn,
John and I had our 2 children when we were in in our early 20’s. I guess I never really realized just what precious gifts children were until our grandchildren came along. Gavin is definitely one of those ‘precious gifts’. I send prayers and words of support to you and Keenan on your 2nd adoption journey. And keep writing!
Love, Debbie

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